Emotionally Maxxed Out

I am feeling about 20 different emotions today. I'm so excited that I can't sleep, but I'm so sad that I want to cry. Take me home!

See, I'm absolutely DONE with China. I lived here for a year teaching English, and that year has been BY FAR the hardest year of my life. Physically, emotionally, intellectually draining. Not gonna lie - it's been tough. I am ready ready ready to get out of here.

But as with any stage of my life, I met a lot of people that I really love. I have 3 Chinese friends in particular (Wang Tao, Xing Qiu Yan, and Qin Jie) that I'm telling goodbye, and it's tearing me up. When I told my college buddies goodbye in Fort Collins, it was more of a "take care, see you in a year" goodbye. But this time, it's a "great knowing you, probably won't see you again" goodbye. That sucks.

My final reflections on China?? They mirror my first impression: China is pretty dirty, unorganized, chaotic, and vastly overpopulated. The smartest Chinese people are trying their best to get the hell out of here. Those who can't are signing up for the party because they know it's the only way to live a comfortable life.

Chinese culture is a bastardized version of what I can best call "faux-American culture." They wear fake American brand clothing, I can hear Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne on the radio, and the front page of every day's paper has a top story about the U.S. They're obsessed with America. They have music performances mixed with traditional Chinese instruments and dirty dancing to American music. I can't help but think something, somewhere went really awry.

Of course there are things I'm going to miss. Life here moves a lot slower. If I want a three hour nap after lunch, no problem! If I want to hop behind the bar and mix my own drink because the bartender can't get it right, no problem! If I want to drive my electric scooter on the wrong side of the road, swerving around pedestrians and honking continuously... no problem! I'll miss that.

Really, all I'm going to miss is people. I have some really good friends here. People who are so sincere and innocent (for lack of better words), I feel almost guilty for telling them goodbye.

But well, I've seen all of China. I've bribed their policemen, I've been spied on, and I've even been censored. (My China site went offline for 2 weeks with no explanation - I think it was the Great Firewall?) Anyway, it's been an experience. The experience of my life. But it's ending, and I welcome the end with open arms. Take me home!